


you can't get to them unless ya get through me

by rappedRomcoms



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Bisexual Beverly Marsh, Bisexual Bill Denbrough, Bisexual Richie Tozier, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Gay Stanley Uris, Harry Potter AU, IT AU, Multi, Pansexual Asexual Ben Hanscom, Pansexual Mike Hanlon, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting, Tags will be added, The Bowers Gang - Freeform, The Losers Club, also we cant forget this tag boys:, henry is probably a fucking incel, i might be bad at updating but stick with me because ive wanted to write this for a while, no one in the losers club is straight lemme say that, probably mentions of abuse + homophobia and stuff like that, the houses will be in the first chapter, uhhhh idk what else to type??
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-16 16:10:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13639710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rappedRomcoms/pseuds/rappedRomcoms
Summary: Hogwarts- an excellent, well-known school. Classy, with witches and wizards from all over. Esteemed professors, and excellent teaching. Students are always safe and are promised to make new friends in the time that they are at the school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Of course, there are always a few mistakes and slip-ups, but this comes with every school.This is the reputation that Hogwarts has, but it is, obviously, not true.





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> hooo babey this is just a prologue but!! im still writing dw i know this is short but its just to set some stuff up

Hogwarts- an excellent, well-known school. Classy, with witches and wizards from all over. Esteemed professors, and excellent teaching. Students are always safe and are promised to make new friends in the time that they are at the school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Of course, there are always a few mistakes and slip-ups, but this comes with every school.  
This is the reputation that Hogwarts has, but it is, obviously, not true. In fact, the school seems to be incredibly unlucky; students go missing five times the average of any other wizarding school on Earth. The teachers do try their best, but how can a kid focus on learning when their best friend goes missing two days before exams? Or if they, themselves, go missing? Yes, Hogwarts would be an excellent school if not for these, and many other factors. So it’s no surprise that the first years get a nasty shock when they find out what it’s really like. Thankfully, the mystery is close to being solved- but at the cost of what?

Gryffindor

Bill Denbrough, Beverly Marsh, Belch Huggins

Hufflepuff

Ben Hanscom, Mike Hanlon, Victor Criss

Ravenclaw

Richie Tozier

Slytherin

Eddie Kaspbrak, Stanley Uris, Patrick Hockstetter

Expelled

Henry Bowers


	2. back in school

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's a lonely dude to do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stan is the jewish student who jk rowling said went to hogwarts

It’s been exactly six years since Richie Tozier walked into Hogwarts, and it’s the sixth year that he has zero friends. He’d tried, obviously, but most of the Ravenclaws had sticks up their asses, and didn’t usually want to interact with the loudmouthed teenager. While the other students were reading or writing, he was hunched over paper, joking and laughing to himself as he wrote down “jokes for later” and the ideas that seemingly never stopped flowing from his head. So, yes, the sixth year student had no friends.  
This was going to change.  
Richie had always been outgoing. That was true. The kids in his own house didn’t like him very much, but maybe other houses would? So, it shouldn’t seem too hard to just sit down at another table and start running his mouth, right?  
Wrong. His sixth year and he hardly had any knowledge of the rules- though this was mostly because he broke them without care. He hadn’t tried this before, so who knew if he’d get yanked by the scruff of his neck by the headmaster and sent to detention?  
But there was only so much lack of interaction that Richie could take, and he was reaching his breaking point. The summer usually kept him happy, with the kid from his neighbourhood, but Will had recently moved and Richie’s sister was off to summer camp, so he was practically empty on the friend meter. And he had so many good _jokes_ to tell, how the fuck would he survive another year here with every kid he knew hating him?  
These are the thoughts that run through his mind as he plants his ass directly in the middle of two boys at the Slytherin table.  
The shorter kid’s drink goes spilling everywhere, and he yelps in panic as it soaks his pants. The other kid, meanwhile, looks absolutely disgusted with him- or maybe just annoyed.  
“Who _are_ you?” the other kid asks, the annoyance clear in his voice.  
“Richard Tozier,” he drawls. “But you can call me Richie.”  
The shorter kid seems to have regained awareness of the situation, and looks like he’s about to give Richie a piece of his mind before the other kid cuts in.  
“Eddie, I’ll handle this.” the kid reaches over Richie to cover the short kid’s- Eddie’s- mouth with his hand.  
Eddie’s eyes widen as the other kid puts his hand over his mouth, and he starts coughing dramatically.  
“What the _fuck_ , Stan, I don’t know if you washed your hands this morning-”  
“Ah, Staniel and Eduardo, my two new friends!” Richie’s mouth opens before he can stop himself. He knows very well that those were not the names of these boys, and considering they already seemed to hate him, this probably wasn’t helping the scenario. And who would’ve guessed, the Ravenclaw was right! Stan and Eddie’s eyes seemed to narrow in unison, and Richie got the hint. However, he was under no law to abide by the hint, of course.  
“What’s new, boys? What’s poppin’ in Slytherin-land?” Richie clapped his hands. “I’m sure you snakes have loads of news!”  
This time, Stan looked like he was about to snap at the tall boy, but his mouth suddenly clamped shut.  
“What? You aren’t gonna call me a douche? We’re best friends already!”  
“ _Richard Tozier_ ,” an angry voice growled from behind him. “You are not supposed to be at my table.”  
The angry, fairly chunky woman was standing, but even sitting, Richie was taller.  
“‘Wha’s wrong, missum?” he spoke in one of his self-proclaimed “excellent voices”. This one was a cowboy, of course, or… maybe a country hick? He wasn’t sure yet.  
“Don’t try your act on me, we all know who you are. You have quite the reputation, Ravenclaw. Go back to your table.”  
Richie opened his mouth to say some choice words, but then she said “table” and her spit kind of went into his mouth and after that, he didn’t really feel like talking back. Mostly he felt like running his tongue under a tap that spit out bleach.

\- - - - - - 

**banana vore corner**

vape master: guess who's pants are now totally destroyed!

vape master: the answer is ME

fairy godmother: LMFAO i saw you get DUNKED ON by tozier

fairy godmother: uhhhh i mean what happened son?? 

Stanley Uris: Some fucking fool came over from Ravenclaw and knocked over Eddie's drink.

Stanley Uris: But then Mrs. K came over and I think she spat in his mouth, so he left.

with a b: OH

with a b: is that what happened over there?? I couldn't really see from the hufflepuff table :/

leg so hot u fry an eggboy: Yeah me and Mike were all like,,,, Hm

billiam shakesphere: guys stop blowing up my phone i am in POTIONS

billiam shakesphere: we can't all have a free period rn

billiam shakesphere: wait i just scrolled up who was it omg???????? and.... spit mouth.........

fairy godmother: bill you gossip

billiam shakesphere: actually that's cyberbullying so i'm gonna need you to stop :////

with a b: bill shuT I love u but me and ben just faked headaches so we could get out of flying lessons because we r CURIOUS and coming to see eddie

leg so hot u fry an eggboy: Eddie we're coming with new pants but you're really small so they might be big cause they're mine

vape master: wow turns out all hufflepuffs are perfect and i'd die for u

Stanley Uris: Watch out Eddie, your twink is showing.

fairy godmother: VBHJKIHGJKLJHBNM 

billiam shakesphere: eddie is fucking DEAD

leg so hot u fry an eggboy has changed Stanley Uris's username to twink betrayer 9000.

twink betrayer 9000: That's fair.

with a b: stan ur so dead in this chat sometimes but when we need u........... u come thru for us :')

vape master: u guys r so cruel

fairy godmother: what's your definition of cruel because i just. did something

vape master: i am immediately concerned.

leg so hot u fry an eggboy: Oh my GOD Beverly

billiam shakesphere: to clarify: she just sent it to us first in dms and im losing my mind

twink betrayer 9000: This is such an awful idea.

vape master: WHY AM I BEING TOLD LAST I AM NOW 100% CONCERNED

fairy godmother: uhhhhh so u kno how we meet up at night like Rebels because we're cool + hip and desperate for interaction outside of class

fairy godmother: tozier always seems really lonely but he's in some of my classes and he's not so bad?? so i was thinking

vape master: beverly you didn't

fairy godmother: anyways guess whos coming to the gryffindor common room 2night to have some fun!!!!!

vape master has blocked fairy godmother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this at 1am forgive any errors blease!! and YES they do have phones this is set in this year and hogwarts is...... better  
> if anything is off from hogwarts' actual rules i dont give a shit


	3. take me to your best friend's dorm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie gets invited to hang out after hours in the Gryffindor dorms. Needless to say, he's excited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in case u havent noticed all of the song titles will be lyrics from songs that remind me of richie!! the first one was back in school by mother mother and this one is tongue tied by grouplove except. dorm

Richie's plan, in his mind, is one hundred percent a success. He talked to some people who kind of didn't like him, but hey, one of their friends did, and now he was going to a party in the Gryffindor dorms!

Party? Probably just a hangout. But whatever, this was _way_ better than sitting in the Ravenclaw common room, running his mouth and being completely, utterly ignored.

_But there's no time for self-hatred when you have a place to get to, huh,_ he thinks.

It's on his way to the tower that he stops and thinks. Obviously he knew where the painting that led to the common room was- by this point, everyone knew everything about the castle, though with the possession of a neat little trinket, he'd argue that he knew a bit more- but he had no idea what to do after. Would Beverly tell him the password, or would she just open it for him?

A smile fluttered across his face at the thought of the redhead. She was obviously one of the prettiest girls in Gryffindor, or any house for that matter. She was dating Ben Hanscom, he knows this. So Ben would probably be there too, and Stan and Eddie. He wondered who else.

cumguzzler > fairy godmother 

cumguzzler: HEY ok so 

cumguzzler: whats the plan 

cumguzzler: like do you open the place or do i get a password or what 

cumguzzler: also who else is going to be there 

cumguzzler: bev are you there 

cumguzzler: bevvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv 

fairy godmother: richie i was gone for like a minuTE calm thyself 

fairy godmother: basically just tell me when ur nearby and ill open it ok?? 

cumguzzler: ok cool cool

He put away his phone- god, _phones,_ so recent to Hogwarts but still here and for that he was forever grateful, because you can only get up to so much without technology- and smiled again. He hadn't known Beverly for long, personally, but it was safe to say that he already felt comfortable around her. She had tapped his shoulder on the way out, offering him the chance to come over this night. Her face was red, and her eyes were puffy, as if crying from laughter. Her grin had convinced him, and so he agreed, and she'd been pretty chill overall. Also, she gave him some Nosebleed Nougat in exchange for some Fever Fudge, which was an added bonus. He'd used one earlier so he could get a free pass for the rest of the period- his last one of the day, actually- so he could walk around the school.

Richie Tozier considered himself one of the luckiest kids in this school in this specific area, and the area was being able to get anywhere from anywhere. Hogwarts was already large, much larger than any school he'd gone to in Canada before he got his letter. It was in a castle, for fuck's sake! It had taken him over a year to figure out most corners of the school, and he was certain there were more secrets to be found. It probably would have taken him hell of a lot longer if he hadn't stumbled upon the yellowish piece of paper he held before him.

The Marauder's Map had let him pull some weird shit, and it was always cool to _know_ things. He could see Greta Bowie letting another dude into her dorm room, he could see Patrick Hockstetter in the Defense Against the Dark Arts class (always good to know where the bullies were, so you could avoid them), and he could see basically everything else. All the passageways and tunnels throughout the school, all the shortcuts and the new, odd things inside them. They were actually pretty fun to explore- Richie would never admit it, but sometimes he went through the tunnels pretending to be some sort of explorer, like Indiana Jones and stuff like that. It was pretty embarrassing, but who gave a fuck, it was _fun_. It was the kind of stuff he'd read in comic books as a kid.

He was actually making his way to one of these passages to kill time until later that night, but what happened on the map shocked him into standing still.

The school's classes were pretty crowded, but some kids were easy to identify because they were wandering the halls too. Probably coming to or from the bathroom, or maybe they forgot a text. One of the other kids in the hallways was Eddie Corcoran.

He was on the map, near the first floor bathrooms. And then...

He wasn't.

It was unlike anything Richie had ever seen from the map. He tapped it hesitantly, as if it was just a mistake on the Marauder's part. He adjusted his glasses. He flipped the paper over, and then flipped it again. But it remained the same.

According to his map, Eddie Corcoran had vanished into thin air. 

\- - - - -

When he arrived at the Gryffindor common rooms, it was safe to say that he was a bit shaken up. He knew that it was most likely just an error, but he couldn't shake the feeling of unease away.

He knocked on the surface of the painting, ignoring the Fat Lady's infuriated cries. Come to think of it, she kind of looked like the teacher that had spat into his mouth.

Actually, he didn't want to think about that.

Suddenly, the painting swung open to reveal a kind-looking teenager with a messy fringe. 

"You look like you say 'owo' unironically."

The words slipped out of Richie's mouth, and his first thought was _Hm, there goes a potential friend. Great job, Rich!_

To his surprise, the boy laughed, and it turned into a sort of snort-laughter.

"Y-you know, th-thuh-that's not even th-the fuh-first time I-I-I've heard that. My name is B-B-Buh-Bill." Bill held out a fist for a fistbump. Richie, of course, obliged. 

"Well, Billiam, it's such a pleasure meeting you, chap!" Richie spoke in a badly-accented English voice. Bill looked relieved that Richie hadn't mentioned his stutter, which he probably would have if not for the fact that Richie had a bit of a speaking issue as well. He had a bit of a lisp, though it wasn't that noticeable until his retainer went in at night. He knew how it felt to have someone point out something you were a bit insecure about.

"A-Anyways, welcome t-to the Gr-Gruh-Gryffindor common room, I gu-guess? Buh-Bev invited you, ruh-right? She's-"

The stuttering boy was cut off as a chair swiveled around. Beverly sat in it, petting the air above her lap as if it was an invisible cat. She was clearly going for the "evil supervillain" look, and Richie found this hilarious. God, he really liked Beverly already, huh?

"Tozier," she drawled. "I have been... expecting you." 

She sounded like a vampire from the older cartoons, and Richie felt a delight stir in him as he realized that he wasn't the only one who could do voices. He could get along with these people for sure. He let out a laugh, and it made another kid in the room jump. Considering Richie's laugh sounded like a hyena was being burnt alive, this was fair.

The boy who had been spooked had another kid sitting in his lap- Stanley- who went tumbling off of him.

"Mike!" Stan complained, as Mike offered an apologetic hand.

"Sorry, Stan, I thought I heard the sound of someone's soul leaving their body." Mike replied, looking at Richie with a friendly smile.

Richie grinned. He liked all these people so far, and their names weren't even that hard to manipulate. He'd have some baller nicknames for them in no time.

_If they even want to be your friend, after what you'll probably say tonight,_ a voice whispers in his head. He stops that train of thought.

He bowed dramatically to the two boys on the couch. "Michael and Stanley, my kings, 'tis I, your humble knight. I've just slain the dragon, and by dragon, I mean your mom's p-"

" _Anyways,_ " a voice interrupted. Yet another Hufflepuff, Richie could tell from the clothes. Ben Hanscom was decked out in yellow from head to toe. "Hi, Richie. I'm Ben. Uh, I'm not really sure why Beverly invited you to hang out with us but I hope you have fun?" 

The Hufflepuff offered a tentative smile after he realized what he said could be taken as rude. Richie didn't care, though- he'd heard worse. So he just rubbed his hands together in an excited manner. "'S a pleasure to be here, boys! Not sure why I'm here either, other than my crippling loneliness, and I don't know what we're doing, but I'm all for it!"

_There you go, oversharing again,_ the voice in his head spoke. _Shut up,_ he told it back.

The others simply laughed, and Richie felt a calm sort of peace wash over him. He felt at home, here in this room filled mostly with people who, by all means, probably shouldn't be in this room. 

A voice spoke up from the corner of the room, clearly annoyed. "You guys are gonna wake up Belch. I don't want to get punched for being too loud."

Richie turned, and there was the other Slytherin. Eddie was leaning on the wall, and Richie realized now that he was standing up that he was comically short.

"Eds, don'tcha know I'll protect you if big, bad Belch comes down?" Richie had a teasing expression on his face, but the Ravenclaw boy was actually pretty reckless. He wouldn't doubt it if he'd take a beating for these kids- a strange thought, considering he had just met them. His face twisted in confusion for about half a second at this thought before he cut off that train of thought with another impulsive decision.

Richie rushed over and swooped up the tiny boy in his arms, spinning around. Eddie screeched, and Richie put him back down, where he rushed over to Beverly and Bill with a scowl. The others laughed, and Richie felt pride in that- he wasn't being annoying to _all_ of them.

"Not so worried about being quiet now, huh, Eds? I'm pretty sure they heard you down in Australia with that," the taller boy teased.

"First of all, I 100% did not consent to being called Eds. My name is Eddie. Second of all, I'm pretty sure everyone else would make that noise if they had to come into direct contact with you." the Slytherin spoke with calculated words. Damn, were all Slytherins good with comebacks or was it just these kids?

"Oh yeah, I know your mom was screaming when I came into direct contact with her, if you know what I mean." Richie emphasized this by thrusting his hips forwards. Bill and Beverly snorted, and Stan had his head in his hands. Mike's laughter was muffled in Stan's shirt, but it was there nonetheless. Ben seemed to not be paying much attention, because his eyes seemed to light up when Beverly laughed. It was kind of cute.

"Y-yeah, she did, f-fuh-from what I huh-heard. She s-saw you at the Suh-Slytherin t-tuh-table and just l-l-lost it." Bill cut in with a smile, and it was obviously supposed to be joking, but Richie's eyes widened. He spun around to Eddie.

"Your mom is _Mrs. Fucking K?!_ "

This time, Eddie was the one putting his head in his hands. He looked frustrated. 

"Ugh, yeah. She applied for the job so she'd be able to breathe down my neck 24/7. That's why we come here instead of Slytherin's common room. Also, because Gryffindors really don't give a shit," he sighed.

Richie was surprised by this information, and as it would turn out, he'd be surprised by lots of other things that evening. Turns out Beverly and Eddie had lived in the same town as kids, which was wild. Stan actually _really_ liked birds, which Richie laughed at, earning him a glare. Mike was a vegetarian, Bill has a brother who all the others seem to really like.

The night went really well, and Richie was extremely happy. Beverly even added him to their group chat (much to Eddie's and Stan's dismay) at night. His eyes trained on the messages before he took his glasses off.

**banana vore corner**

cumguzzler has joined the chat. 

cumguzzler: hey thotties 

with a b: hey richie do you take constructive criticism on your usernames????? 

cumguzzler: absolutely not 

billiam shakesphere: tbh???? valid

Richie smiled- something he'd been doing a lot of tonight- and plugged in his phone for the night.

As he lay awake, his good thoughts began to be swarmed by the bad. Eddie Corcoran, mostly. Richie couldn't find him on the map even at this moment. It was as if he'd just disappeared.

Just what had happened to him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was listening to mbmbam while writing this and im on three hours of sleep i feel like ive ascended into an alternate dimension  
> also richie tozier is canadian because in my fanfictions i play god


	4. talk too much

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie has friends. Everything seems to be going okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey cool kids im working on like. three fics rn including this one so bear with mE  
> i do have a free period at school that i use for writing though  
> chapter song title is "talk too much" by coin!!

It has been approximately one week since he's had friends, _Real_ friends. Friends he could hang out with, friends he could partner with in classes who wouldn't despise being partnered with him. Bill, Beverly, Ben and Mike had warmed up to him quickly (Ben with a bit of hesitation, though he did like Richie a lot). Stan had eventually succumbed to the Tozier charms, too. Eddie had been... tougher to befriend. Richie tried hard, he really did, but the short Slytherin always seemed to be pissed with him. He brought this up to Bev and Bill on the way to Transfiguration- Ravenclaw and Gryffindor had the class together today.

"Eddie's always pissed with me, the fuck is up with that?" he asked as he stumbled onto a moving staircase. "I try my best, guys!"

Bill snorted at the last part. "D-does your best include m-muh-making fun of h-him all the f-f-fucking time?"

Richie shrugged. "I dunno, man, that's how it is with everyone."

Beverly cut in, seemingly unconvinced. "You _do_ make fun of him more than Stan. And you call Stan a cuck like, three times a day minimum."

Richie thought about this for a second. "I guess? I didn't realize. It's so hard to turn off my charming personality, though," he winked at both of them (his version of winking seemed to be dramatically and slowly closing and opening one eye, doing a pivot turn, and doing the same to the other- much too overdramatic, and clearly supposed to be a comedy act). 

"Ch-chuh-charming, yeah." 

Richie was about to retort, but his books went tumbling to the ground, and his glasses flew off his face and into the hands of none other than Belch Huggins, standing next to Victor Criss. It was surprising to not see Patrick next to the two- they were together this morning, but he supposed that they'd have different classes. He was stupid to not check the map more than once today. 

Belch laughed- a cruel laugh, mind you. He was less mean than Patrick, or god forbid, Henry Bowers, the old bully, but he still caused trouble with Richie and the others. Richie cursed the summoning charm as Belch cracked his glasses in half. He tossed the pieces back to the trashmouth, still snickering. Victor laughed along, but something in his eyes didn't get Richie mad. He just accepted that his glasses were now broken once more.

"Hey, dickface!" Beverly spoke to Belch without a hint of fear. "Pull that shit again and I'll break your fucking _ankles!_

Beverly Marsh was possibly the most intimidating member of the friend group that they just recently affectionately dubbed the Losers Club. Mike was tall and strong, and was an excellent keeper on the Hufflepuff quidditch team, but everyone knew he was pretty soft. Bill could make impulsive decisions, and was a born leader, but the vibe he gave off was that of a friend more than anything.

When Beverly was mad, she was pure anger. Belch could probably sense this, so he lifted his hands in mock defeat and walked off. Beverly didn't look satisfied, but she turned to her friend, who was being assisted by Bill in picking up his books. 

"You okay, Rich?" she asked. 

Richie nodded. "This has happened before, don't worry your pretty little head about it. Say, anyone have some tape?"

The Gryffindors shook their heads. 

"I d-duh-don't think Puh-Professor Grey has any, either. C-cuh-cuh-classroom is usually empty as h-hell- he h-hardly buh-buh-brings anything, so he p-probably won't have tape. Th-that man is all a-a-action and a-activities, I s-suh-swear."

Beverly tilted her head in thinking. Her eyes lit up, and she waggled a finger at Richie. "You know who has medical tape that's pretty sturdy on him at _all_ times?"

Richie sighed. "Eds, yeah, I know. That fanny pack has everything, from what I've heard. Do you think he'll have enough pity to lend tape to widdle ol' me?" he joked.

Bill shrugged. "B-Buh-Beverly is p-pretty good at getting Eh-Eddie to d-do anything."

Beverly smiled. "Well, I've known him since we were kids, we're close. I'll message him- he should be in Care of Magical Creatures with Professor Hanlon."

Richie jumped up, thanked her, and went to dash to the forest. They had some lessons in the Forbidden Forest today, Mike had said. _Wait... Mike Hanlon... Professor Hanlon... Man, I really have to get to know who their parents are, what the hell._

He checked the map for a possible shortcut, and seeing none that were obvious to him, he started to put it back in his robes once more.

Once again, the gangly boy stopped in surprise.

Betty Ripsom had walked into the washroom on the first floor- no, Richie wasn't creeping on her, people were just easier to spot when they were out of a crowded class. And then she disappeared off of the map, much like Eddie Corcoran had a week ago.

The search for Eddie C. had still not provided fruitful. There weren't traces of him anywhere, and soon it was ruled off as yet another missing child in the case. They had asked every ghost around the castle, and many of them refused to talk, as if it was too upsetting to think of. This was frustrating to the teachers, but there was nothing they could do. The most they got from a ghost was a headless boy who had gotten into an accident on Easter. He held his head and lurked on the first floor, still convinced he could find the eggs. He simply kept repeating "Down." whenever the teachers asked where Corcoran went.

Richie decided to steer clear of the first floor for a while.  


\- - - - -

fairy godmother has started messaging vape master. 

fairy godmother: hey so richie is coming to u rn 

vape master: i was about to yell at you for messaging me in class because mister hanlon is such a fun teacher but now i'm just filled with questions 

fairy godmother: i sent him to you 

vape master: die 

fairy godmother: u kno u love me 

vape master: fair. but also why 

fairy godmother: his glasses broke and u have tape 

vape master: it's MEDICAL TAPE my mom will lose her mind if i use it! she checks my fanny packs every week, i'll have to spend like three days in the infirmary! how did his glasses even break? 

fairy godmother: im sure he'll tell u lol byeeeeeeeeee 

fairy godmother has logged off. 

\- - - - -

As Richie made his way down the hill, he realized that he didn't actually know where the class was. He knew it was in the forest, of course, and most likely near the Groundskeeper's hut, but the forest was pretty thick.

cumguzzler has started messaging vape master. 

cumguzzler: hey baby wya 

vape master: first of all don't call me that 

vape master: second of all just go north past the groundskeeper's hut. 

cumguzzler: aw my bf always comes thru for me :') 

vape master: i would never, ever date you 

vape master has logged off.

Richie smiled to himself. It shouldn't make him happy to tease Eddie, but the kid always got so flustered. It was kind of cute, but Richie wasn't gonna let him think about that right now. Befriend Eddie (and get his glasses fixed) was priority number one. He could hardly see right now, so maybe the latter first.

He traipsed through the woods, his foot occasionally getting caught on a root or two, before he found the class. The first thing he noticed was that Professor Hanlon and Mike were clearly related. This confirmed his suspicions that he was indeed Mike's father. Mike had the same broad shoulders, and smile that reached his eyes. He was honestly quite handsome.

He apologized as he stepped in- everyone liked Professor Hanlon, he was one of the only not-trash teachers at Hogwarts- and motioned for Eddie. Ben, who was standing next to Eddie, pointed to Richie, and when Eddie followed his finger and noticed that Tozier was at the end of it, he scowled. Richie's grin got wider.

"Spaghetti!" Richie called to the Eddie-shaped blob, waving wildly. He knew Eddie hated the nickname- he had started choking on spaghetti at dinner in the Great Hall, and Richie was wheezing as his mom tried to give him the heimlich. He wasn't even truly choking, it was just stuck in his throat and causing him discomfort, but the look on his face when Mrs. K screeched as he said he was choking made Richie realize that he'd never let Eddie live it down.

Another thing about eating in the Great Hall was that the teachers simply did not give a shit about Richie's whereabouts anymore. They knew that they couldn't stop him, and he'd hop tables more than once a day. In fact, all the Losers had started congregating at the Hufflepuff table lately, because they were the kindest about sharing the table, and Professor Hanlon was nice to his son's friends. 

Eddie's scowl deepened, his eyebrows creasing in frustration. "Don't call me that," he said, walking over. "I hate that. You aren't getting tape if you aren't going to act mature."

Richie's eyebrows raised, and anyone could tell his mouth was about to speak for him. "How mature do ya want me, Eds? We can do mature things together, if ya want. Holdin' hands, payin' taxes, getting rowdy in your common room, if ya know what I mean!"

Eddie chucked his fanny pack at Richie. "I'll literally buy you candy at next Hogsmeade's trip if you promise to shut the fuck up right now."

Richie fumbled with the fanny pack, dropping it on the ground. Eddie visibly winced as dirt got all over it. _Fuck, I have to clean it later._

Richie quickly grabbed the tape and wrapped it around the broken glasses, smiling as he finished. It'd do. "Thanks, Spagheds!"

"Oh, that one is way worse. No." 

Richie simply chuckled as he placed his glasses back on, blew a dramatic kiss to Eddie, and walked off to Transfiguration with Professor Grey.

What Richie didn't notice was Eddie pushing down a smile as he walked back to the main group.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> spooky

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr is trashmouthsglasses and twitter is tipsypaws fyi!!


End file.
